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Silent Birth
quiet shadows beckonthe heart hears a silent calla thought is born...Ummm... are we allowed to use active tenses in a haiku? I keep feeling that these lines don't have the feel of a haiku... any suggestions, anybody?
3 comments:
Hi, rashmi! We took up haiku back in high school and I think it's supposed to have a 5-7-5 syllable count. I've seen some haikus though, that have been translated to English that don't follow this rule. I think the one you posted though, is beautiful as it is.
Hi Aenaia! Yeah, I was trying to get in the 5-7-5 syllable count... but lost patience finally! Thanks for your kind words, never the less..
And since you have actually studied the technique of Haiku, tell me, is it ok to use the active tense?
I am glad to see see that you are persisting with haiku. It is an elegant form and part of a large, sensitive and far reaching culture.
I am not sure that this one works as well as it might. The syllables are important. Because they help focus on what you are describing. It's worth getting the form right because it helps with the content. Think about what you have written.
In the first line, "quiet" is unneccessary. Take it away and you have an extra syllable to play with. "The heart hears a silent call" is the best line and, as it happens, it has the right number of syllables. "A thought is born" is a bit abstract, and it has an extra syllable. Try to find a stable image, which says "a thought is born" without spelling it out. I don't want to suggest something myself, because it is your haiku and a good and appropriate idea. But you should look for an image, which suggests a thought being born.Not easy, but it could pack a good punch if you succeed.
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